Protracted job searches can wear down your resilience. Dealing with repetitive rejection can lead to dejection.
Scott and Andrew discuss strategies to approach your rejection using empowering strength.
Don’t miss these Topics:
- Knowing it’s normal and healthy to feel dejected.
- Rejection is never about you.
- How to be an active agent of your career future.
- Changing perspective on failure.
- Preparing yourself to take a “no.”
- Finding things you can control.
Resources (including affiliate links)
Raw and Unedited Transcript
0:00 – 05:05
Today on job seekers radio were talking about dealing with repetitious rejection and doing that with empowering strength have rejection something, everybody dislikes. There’s a human being on earth that enjoys rejection. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that there may be somebody who’s thank you, another. Yes. Generally speaking, nobody likes rejection. And when you get it over and over again, that can really mess with your head personal experience was during the great recession, I was unemployed for three years. And I really had a tough time. I was doing a little bit of consulting during the time. That’s worked that I enjoyed then but it wasn’t enough. And as time passed, I got more and more desperate. When you’re in that situation, the feelings of doubt are inescapable. So the idea of having empowering strength can seem to be out of your rage. Well, whether it’s you being overlooked for promotion, or you know, you’re doing everything you can to get an interview, but nothing’s happening or maybe had some great interviews. And no go. Yeah. Yeah. And I actually had a coal with the gentleman this week, who had been looking for a year four hundred applications or some such thing he’d had a handful of interviews. No offers. He had an ino-. Here’s the thing, Scott. He’d also paid for coaching. He paid for a resume writer, he made all the investments, he he was doing all the right thing. And he was still feeling dejected. Yeah. From all the rejection as I say it’s inescapable to feel that way. I guess there are a few things that I say to people when they bring this to me, is, first of all, you have a right to feel that way, it is normal, and healthy to feel that way. You shouldn’t get down on yourself because you feel that way because this is a normal reaction. Yes, we wanna do something different, so that you can change the way you feel. And that’s really where we where we go with this conversation. The first step. App. In understanding, what’s happening is rejection is never about you. It is always about the other person that opens the door there. Many possible reasons why that person isn’t making the connection that you want them to make. But it is not about you. It is not about your employability, or your ability to move up, or your worthiness or really any of the, the things that we tell ourselves that. Oh on not good enough. Because fill in the blank, right? It’s usually because someone else is reacting or they have something else in mind, or they don’t know what they want that often happens and as tough as it is to do a job. Search getting those impersonal emails and no engagement from the other side. It stinks it in so I can see how that would wear down on somebody in. And it’s normal for that to happen. That’s why we always encourage people to do the networking piece is gonna put you at an advantage. But the idea here is there not rejecting you. They might have accepted somebody else. And if that’s the case, then again, it’s not about you. It’s about them accepting somebody else, but that doesn’t mean they’re saying no to you. You’re saying yes to somebody. Yes. And the, the other side of that is if they say that your qualifications weren’t as good matches they want I encourage people to ask why you may not get the answer. And that’s also not about you. I’ve had experience in doing interviews where the other person actually gives me feedback whether it’s it was between you and this other person, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come in second, but the other person had X amount of experience that actually, you know that you didn’t that. That’s what put us over the edge for that person. And it was. Not a slight for me. It’s just that person had something that I didn’t there was also been times when they say, well, you weren’t as strong in this area, and I actually have a lot of experience in that area. Well, clearly, I didn’t communicate properly or there is something else that they’re deciding. But this is where he’s going. And again, that’s not about me. So I shouldn’t take that personally, I like your affirmation the way that you said that. And this idea of empowering strength maybe comes from, you know what I did this? I can do this.
05:05 – 10:13
I am the whole Stuart Smalley kind of silly. But, you know, the, the fact of the matter is, and I say this a lot with people that have been laid off as the company that you were at did. They pay you to do the work and the answer is normally ass. So they paid you for your skills. Right. Yes, that means that somebody else will do the same thing. Yes. As validation. Yes, the fact that you’re not there anymore is just circumstance. Somebody else out. There is gonna pay you for those same skills. If not for the other ones, prefer, you. Yes. So take your be the agent of your career future. Absolutely. And you touched on something that I think is important for those who have not gone through the strengths finder, or strengths quest program, two different books, basically, the same program. It’s really, really helpful not just to recognize what your strengths are, but also to be able to talk about them. Because when you speak confidently, whether it’s an interview or now networking conversation, when you speak confidently about your strengths, your confidence rubs off on the person who is sharing this moment with you. And that is what makes you seem compelling. Especially when it’s in inner in an interview knowing what your strengths are and being able to, to constantly speak about them will get people to ask more questions about your abilities and. That’s all part of the process of just changing the story that’s in your head. Because if you get rejected enough times, you start believing it through that something’s wrong with you. When in reality that something different often it can feel like failure of, really I had to change my mindset about failure as well, because when you start feeling like you’re a failure rather than, hey, I just failed at this activity this one time it was just an event. It wasn’t my reality. It was just a situation that happened. Then my mindset in the story, I tell myself changed and what started doing. Is it opened my mind to thinking about other things like what can I do differently? Get different results. And that is probably going to be the best thing. You could do to create that sense of resilience. The ability to bounce back from multiple rejections is what can I learn from this specific experience? Because I know when I have been rejected several times. Times to working in a field where there aren’t a lot of jobs for people who do when I do getting those rejections open over again, to your point makes me wonder am I actually going to be able to get that job in my good enough to do that is this ever going to work for me? If I switched that around and look at what did I learn from each one of these experiences that can build on the next experience, and it may not be the full foundation that I need to get that next job? It’s one more piece. How can I look at every rejection as a learning experience? That’s where resilience comes from, because if I can learn something, then I can make something a little bit different next time. If there isn’t anything apparent to learn, then I’m going to approach my next opportunity to try it again and get that learning experience. So now I’m totally reframing the purpose of this. Interview if I’m investing in myself. I don’t care as much about getting that job as long as I learning. And when you talk to your interviewer to say, hey, okay, so you’re not going to give me this job. I am trying to learn how to have these conversations in a more effective. Wait. What feedback can you give me many of them will say, oh, I you know, I don’t have anything to offer and that’s because their fear again, that’s not about you, those that do give you the feedback. That is a gift even if they don’t give you the feedback I think you can run through that process from application to interview to know and say to yourself. Okay, did I have certain strengths in that interaction, meaning did I know somebody on the inside? Did I haven’t internal champion to guide me? Did they know me before it came to the interview, head, I know them before dry interview, do how much do I know about the company? I’m applying for. And this is how we can make those fine tuning adjustment. Okay. I gave it a shot. I give it my best effort. And I gotta know I did everything I could there and be be okay with that. And then make that fine-tuning adjustment. Maybe I need to in that organization if it’s one at really wanna work for is I need to go knock on another door. Maybe there’s another team or another person or a willing ear inside the organization to keep that interaction going to that point, actually, I want to give a little caveat for those who decide this as the company, I want to work for, and they’re doing everything they can to get in and they keep getting negative messages from the different people.
10:13 – 15:04
They talked to I think it’s really healthy to question whether or not my initial desire to work for that company as well placed, I, I know somebody who is trying to get he’s a graphic designer trying to get into a design house mainly consultancy, but he would it was going for. An internal position he was treated rather horribly by the recruiter that he had originally talked to. So he networked in and talk to somebody else. Who also did not behave. Well, and so in our conversations we were talking about, do they actually live the culture. They preach. And when he had a third opportunity to talk somebody and still was not treated. Well he lost his interest in working for that company. And that is really helpful. What are the odds, though, that the three people he talked to the only eight holes in them? Exactly. But it does happen. It does happen. And that is one data source, but I’ve seen people. I mean rich Lehman is a good example, or did ninety nine some hundred. Let’s say one hundred informational to get his job. But he wasn’t time to a lot of jerks along the way may my I mean I, I mean, I’m not gonna mention the company probably discern from some of our I’ve met plenty of those holes from their race. But that doesn’t describe everybody play. It’s okay to, to be okay with the no. And there are ways that you can take care of yourself in this process, reminding yourself that this is not about you that they’re no is about something other than who you are. It is not about many times. It’s not actually about the skills. You have, it’s if anything the skills you may not have that they’re specifically looking for. But again, it could be that they don’t know what they want. Speaking of self care. If you’re facing over a long period, time, repetitious rejection, and you don’t feel like you’re empowered at all. Sometimes we need to take control of something, simple, very simple. Maybe that’s as simple as deep breathing. Yeah. You know what I mean? It’s okay. I can control my breathing or empowered. But how often do we actually do that to stop taking the breath? We think about meditation. I used to meditate all the time I haven’t been, and I’m thinking, wow. You know, I should get back into that. And here you mentioned again breathing. Right. It’s something that we can do that actually has physical benefits slowing the breath, down clearing the mind. These are things that have measurable benefits and I don’t do them even now with the regularity that I should, so I won’t hold it against you. Thank you. The other thing is maybe go for a walk that I do. Maybe throw some rocks. Not at not at people. He’s careful at their windows. I was thinking more like on a lake or skipping skipping rock. Whatever that looks like sometimes we just need to get makers. No, I would never act, right? Okay. I’ll take your word for that care of yourself. Exercise do things that make you feel better physically, always helps mentally. And when you’re in a job search, maybe even for a long period of time, there’s probably some really key personal relationships, people that are close to family friends etcetera that you should probably lean into just a moral support. Yeah. We need that connection all human beings need connection just to come back to the physical self care just momentarily. I read an article this week, and I’m not able to recall specifically where it came from. It was about the effects of diet, on depression, and the. Studies that had that were being quoted in this article showed pretty clearly that having a balanced healthy diet, lots of vegetables, and fruits and fiber and no process or little, processed foods, little sugar, actually, improved people’s moods. It helped them battle depression, without medication or it helped them keep their medication. Lo whatever that that was eat. Right. When you’re going through a long-term job search with a lot of rejection, your diet is going to make a difference difference. And it’s not uncommon that you want to perhaps, give yourself a time out and to say what I’ve been getting so much rejection. I just need a break. Need a pause and it doesn’t have to be a long. Pause. Just take a short break. We talk about this in several of our podcast. Give yourself permission to stop for a while. It’s really important to just brief stop rest take a break.
15:04 – 18:41
As you say it can be a really short one, but it’s important that you stop and rest. And at some point, get back in the fight, because this is a don’t give up. Yeah. Don’t ever give up. Get in there. And I’m not sure why I have this in the show notes, or the don’t give up. I was thinking about, you know, what was what is the minimum standard to get into the hall of fame of baseball right base? And I did a search on because there are different halls of fame, even fault. I don’t know that you’re adding average right standing. Well, the people, the wrong wjm probably have at least a three hundred batting. Okay. Right to get in there. I actually found a gentleman name ratio talk. He had to fifty three batting average. And I thought to myself, how in the world could a guy that’s five foot nine with, with two fifty three batting average in the hall of fame. How’s that possible? Tell me, I don’t know. So really, I had to look to go back and read what his assets were. And the reason he was in the hall of fame wasn’t because of his offense. It was because of his defense. And in this case, he was a catcher and by percentage he led the league for catchers eight years in a row, he, which is never been never been duplicated. You think about how he would support others in the game itself. The way it has played the runs batted in the, the other things that he, he did for his teammates, so that they succeeded. He was the penalty of team player. And in this case, he had a ninety eight nine eighty one fielding percentage for a catcher, which is insane. It’s almost perfect never happened. So what we need to recognize throughout his processes. Sometimes we’re trying to fit in somebody else’s box. Yes. Okay. There were trying to be the guy with three hundred plus batting average and all these runs. I mean, the guy played for seventeen years and only had let had less than six hundred RBI’s that wasn’t his strength. But if you’re going out and saying, that’s what. The market is asking for then were chasing something that’s not us, right? And great point. Why are you trying to fit in when you are prepared to stand out if you know, your strengths, and that’s how you can stand out for this group that company that team, whatever that is what you should be talking about. So have your story about your strengths ready to go speak confidently about it. You will get people excited about your strengths. So we’ll have all the details on Ray. Shock in the show notes as well as access to a free resource. Yeah. We put together of free book for you called the anatomy of networking conversation. It’s a resource that we wanna give you just as a, thank you for listening to us that does it for this episode. You can find all the show notes that networking resource at seekers radio dot com forward slash zero five zero. Well, thanks everybody for being here with us. We acknowledge that you have invested your time and attention. And we want to express our gratitude for that head over to itunes and subscribe to get future episodes. And while you’re there, if you would please rate and review, we would be grateful for the BAC. Those also a link in the show notes for that I tunes link code super easy to do that, right down below in the show notes, regardless of the device, you’re joining us on and should be right down belong, while I’m Andrew and I’m Scott until next time. Thank you.