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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
Don’t miss these Topics:
- Can’t eliminate fear, can only manage it.
- pros and cons review action and non-action alternatives
- getting out of your own head by helping others get out of theirs
- thinking about the things you fear on paper
- turning fear into self-advocacy
- reaching to outside resources like a coach, therapist, or EAP.
- Understanding conflict and gaining new perspectives
- Role reversal technique: would you help others if in the same situation?
- Turn to the people who care about you
- Baby Steps
- ACRONYM: False Evidence Appearing Real
- build self confidence and safety through considering all the alternatives
- identify fear and mitigate its impact
- what are your decisions based on and are they helping you?
- process of letting go and trying NEW things
- making proactive decisions
Resources (including affiliate links)
iTunes: Rate and Review
Raw and Unedited Transcript
00:00:02 – 00:05:09
Welcome to Job Seekers Radio I’m Andrew. I’m Scott this production is meant to provide you the listener meaningful support to fight great careers faster, and that’s whether you’re working or not. Today’s episode is brought to you by the anatomy of a networking conversation e book. It’s a free resources you can download at job. Seekers radio DOT COM in today’s show. We’re talking about making career decisions without fear. Now I don’t know if you’re ever goes away. No, it’s an. It’s a manageable thing maybe depending on. Yeah. and. Really we brought this to the four because of a lot of things that are going on, not only in our our lives, maybe or even in our coaching interactions, but also in just in the world in society. In general, we’re dealing with a pandemic. We have the black lives matter movement. We have a lot of political unrest going on just within the United States, not to mention what’s going on around the world. There’s a lot going on that. Can create fear and so we’re just going to talk about career in the job search and again. That’s whether you’re working or not. Fear is involved. Regardless of where you are it, it’s one of those things where you might even feel like. Is it really fear or is there some other emotional feeling? It’s great to explore that and that’s basically where we’re going to go and we acknowledge. Right Scott that outside influences can either fuel or Exacerbate your fear. So we’re not gonNA cover that part of it, but we acknowledged that that exists we’re talking about. Is it possible? Is it possible to make career decisions without fear? Yeah I. Remember I’m going to paraphrase probably badly, but I believe I know it was an army general that said it. I believe it was pat that made the comment that fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act well in spite of it and again that’s probably a poor paraphrase, but you get the just, and I like to come back to that thought whenever I am looking at something that is triggering fear in me. Is that if I can make progress? However, small that progress is if I’m still moving in the right direction. It’s still progress can I do that while managing my fear, and that’s really what works for me, the idea of managing it not getting rid of it. You can’t I can’t i. in fact I read an article not too long ago. That suggested that those who actually do act without any. That’s a disorder so. That helps me feel better about managing my fears well when I first heard that question I was like well. Maybe maybe you can manage these career decisions without herb. Maybe not it really just depends on your perspective absolutely, and now if you look at it from a position of being employed in you have assets in the bank, and all these different things, then you’ve built up really a fortress of protection where making decisions is a little bit easier because you’re not fearful of what may happen. So really. It just depends on each person’s perspective. In how you process these different things you might be thinking about. That’s a really good point that if you’ve got a lot of different options whether that’s through planning or any other thing, you know you’ve got the money in the bank you. You’re now living with your. Boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly this. It’s not just your income. All of these things are different ways of coming back to that. What are my options? What it? Where is my fortress? That’s a good idea. And letting go of one thing for another is something I kept. Thinking about is that Hey, I’ve invested my time. My energy my skills. In this place that I’m out or just come from. Can It really let go of that and grab something else in there? Some fear there? Because guess what there’s change anytime, there’s change there’s fear and anxiety and disruption, and you go through these different cycles, and some of it also might be job search related right I look at job. Search and I used to do job search this way, and now I need to let go of that and try a different way, so we really advocate the networking piece. That’s why we give people. The Anatomy of networking conversation e-book is to give them the tools to be successful in doing something different. So that means hey, maybe I have to let go a little bit of what I think. Job Search should be and try something that’s different at to move forward so let go of one thing and going to another sometimes can create fear, but it also creates opportunity possibility shirt, right? It’s all based on perspective.
00:05:09 – 00:10:02
You remind me of an Oprah Winfrey quote that a friend told me I I can’t quote her specifically, and it was many years ago, but the idea is. She was talking about money and making money and bringing money into your life the. The concept was you are holding on to the money that you have so tightly that your hands are closed. They are not open to accept more this I think applies in the idea. When you you have to let go of something. If you’re going to grab something new, you don’t really have a choice. So what does that look like coming back to managing the fear? Don’t let go of the thing that’s keeping you alive, but you like other things that are just nice to have right I was talking to somebody recently, who didn’t want to give up his. starbucks that he would go every afternoon to get his tea iced coffee, and just this was a tradition that he’d been doing for many years now, and it’s just. It’s what kept him feeling grounded and life continues so because I can count on getting this, and without addressing the fact that he is spending. How much money every week on coffee! It’s like you’ve got a an expresso machine at home. Make, you’ll save money? But he he didn’t want to let go of the the cocoon comfort that that routine brought him. Okay, it’s a decision fine now. Don’t complain too hard about not having an extra fifty dollars a week, but I mean who knows what comes after complacency, but maybe. Adversity because I think if you stand still for too long something, something’s GonNa Knock. You over. So here’s the thing is that he found that thing and hugh hooked onto it in that brought him safety and that so that I think that’s natural for all of us to be seeking some degree of safety or comfort now if we don’t have it somewhere else. And that is within his control, and really. If we’re talking about control in fear, they’re kind of. Two sides of the same coin sometimes is that that that which you don’t control creates fears, alright and right, and yet. What are you really control? We’re GONNA. Talk about that actually on a future episode, but I think part. This is really deciding what it is. That seems so fearful, yes, and seeing how to mitigate or manage that. Interesting timing I woke up this morning from a dream. Truly was I ended. No. No A networking colleague friend of mine was in it interestingly and we to try and make it very short. We were sneaking into his friends building. His friend had the PENTHOUSE in a high rise, and we were going to camp out on rooftop, which was against the rules, and so for some reason we were taking a back door to get up to his friends penthouse, but the back door, the back stairwell and and elevators didn’t open into his this this penthouse you had to go outside on an eight inch ledge to then walk at the top of the building, bright walk into over to his friends. A penthouse and his kids are in there. I can see them through a window. They’re playing. My friend went in. He didn’t have any problem walking on this eight inch ledge, however, many hundred feet above the air above the ground he walked in, and it’s like I have a phobia. Falling I cannot do this. And by the end of the dream I came to the decision. That I am not going to try I’m not doing this because I’m going to honor this feeling in myself. I’m not going to do that. I will find something else to do so here. We get to the point. Let’s say you are the type where you simply are too afraid to go to that networking event. Don’t. Don’t kill yourself. Or get into that existential fear. If that’s where you’re gonNA. Go find other ways because it’s finding the alternatives that is going to build your self confidence, so the idea of. Am I going to be uncomfortable. Will by all means jump into that you’ll learn how to get comfortable. Are you going to be gripped with terror? Maybe you don’t want to do that. And, that’s okay. Baby steps. Yeah, it’s like that movie. What about Bob Have you seen that now? I haven’t been steps out the door baby steps.
00:10:02 – 00:15:08
Now I have a vote. It’s a great movie. You should see what about Bob. I’ll put that in the in the show. Like to see that. Sometimes, they think of fear. You can think of fear as an acronym and many people call it false evidence appearing real, yes, and what that means mentioned that in an earlier. I’m sure that we have. And it bears repeating in in the current time. It’s hard to find peace anywhere today. Yeah, other than my backyard. And I love doing. Yard therapy. I Love Garden therapy myself. You and I are on the same. It’s there. But you’re right. Doing things that that scare you I think is different than things terrify you. Yes, because there could be something that scares you, but you’re using that maybe as a mild excuse not to do anything, but then there may truly be something that terrifies you like walking on an eight inch ledge. You know however many stories that sky. And and you’re right. However, there’s always a baby step. That’s why I brought up. What about Bob? There’s always a baby steps you could take. Yes, what is one small step by could take to get more comfortable with networking? Maybe that’s downloading the anatomy of a networking conversation. Maybe that’s just practicing with a trusted friend yeah. I don’t know what that looks like I mean we can’t go to starbucks and tap somebody on the shoulder anymore. That’d be a little weird. But I think about a conversation. I was having with someone who really were they said Oh. I can’t ask my family to do that. Why had not if if you’re with people who truly care about you? They will probably say oh, by all means, please. Practice makes perfect I. don’t care who you practice with I. don’t care if it’s the dog practice. There isn’t anyone who cares about you that you cannot go to. If you cannot go to them. They don’t care enough about you. Put that where it belongs right, but turn to the people who do care about you because they will I promise you. They will work with you on. This is more important to get the practice going. For those of you, that may find that difficult and still challenging I always flip it around right if the roles were reversed. From a hundred eighty degree perspective and someone came to you for help, would you? Would you say us? Yeah? And what would you do and how would you help? Yeah, right, so you’d walk through the steps. Okay, so then you doing the same thing for that other person or to that without the person makes a whole lot of sense. Doesn’t it right? I had that same conversation with a number of people? And that’s okay. One of the things conflict coaching that we talk about as the main idea of dealing with conflict is to gain another perspective, and there’s a lot of guessing and making suctions and everything to gain that perspective, but the idea isn’t to suddenly let go of the conflict it’s. How do you manage that? We yourself because that’s where conflict conflict really exists. If you have actually done something about it. You know you have. Responded to that person review retaliated. You’ve done something to make them upset. Now you’re into dispute separate process. Gaining another perspective is going to help you, and so if that’s what would you do to help the other person? They came to you with the same idea. What would they say? How would you respond? If. They said to you what you said to me. How would you tell that other person? Listen to your own advice. Well, it having not everybody is self directed that way. Of course. That’s why this podcast exists, so you can get that perspectives and maybe tried out, but some people may need to leverage resources, and whether that’s through a friend or family members kind of the low bar. If you will the safe space to start, these things other people may need outside help from say a coach like. US or Some sort of career job, catcher, counselor, or e AP, or whatever yeah, I would say first of all if you are currently working and you have your working for a company that has an employee assistance program. They often have counselors. Counselors will be able to give you some job coaching as well as personal coaching. And the company pays for that that that is available to you. If you can’t afford a coach well, if you can’t afford a coach, please. Hire a coach because they probably if they’re charging. They’re probably experienced enough to be able to help now. You have to go through some with them. therocess. See if they’re going to be helpful to you, but with that said I do recommend hiring someone if you have the wherewithal to do so if you cannot.
00:15:09 – 00:20:04
There are a number of places that offer sliding scales, and if you seriously, if you have zero money, which especially during this pandemic, there are people who have gone through all their resources. Trust me had been there. I feel for you. There are services out there where it’s unending scale, and if that means zero, you pay zero talk to someone. Find someone the end and there are a. it’s a quick Google search in your area, and because people will do this over the phone. These resources are available. Do your research and that that same research is valid even though EA. The Police Assistance Program is free software company, but it’s free. Using employee doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still do your your vetting or your research, and and you know what I found is just doing that research in explaining my situation, too many people to see if there’s a fit I actually get a resolution. As you’ve talked us. Talk to your four or five times. What these different people and you’re like I’m good. I feel better now. If you’re looking for a specific outcome, great five conversations with different coaches, you made realize what outcome you actually want and then can start working towards that that’s great. If you’re also like a I, can’t think of his name and he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Okay, that’s a different question, so you don’t know what outcome you want. Let’s talk about what you’re actually interested in doing because if you. If you don’t know what you’re going to make at the end of this cooking session. Anybody’s guess which agreements are going to work for you right often. I see people that I coach always look at the end right there. Looking at the end before they’ve seen the beginning and the challenge with that is if you, if the end is a moving target, and it’s moving around with every job posting. You’re seeing you don’t know what the end is trying to. Get, you have what’s called entity crisis. Yeah, now that’s a great point and part of that is just looking past your fear and saying okay, this is what I love to do, and that’s more like self, advocacy and say. Hey. I have permission to be happy. I have permission to do things I. Enjoy I have permission. It’s your life your career. You get to choose what you WANNA do. Now that, said once you choose what you WANNA. Do make sure you advocate for it, and that’s what we’re talking about with the networking and. That’s something that has helped me overcome. Fear personally is saying this is what I enjoy doing, and if it’s something that’s strong enough. There’s nothing GonNa stop me. You. Know what I mean I. Do and I you. You reminded me of someone that I’ve been talking to recently who? Has a great deal of skill. He’s got great experience. He’s a musician great experience. As a teacher, a middle school music teacher, and for whatever reason he left that job and to make money, he took a job in financial services well, he doesn’t feel very strongly about financial services. He in fact doesn’t really enjoy the job and he’s. He’s told me recently. He’s been kicking himself for taking the job in the first place because it doesn’t align with his personal values, it was decent money and provided a regular paycheck, and he’s been there for like five years five years in a job. He doesn’t like it well. The the work itself he likes because it helps people, and that’s really what he’s about is helping people and helping them. What I really appreciate about him and why we become good friends is he keeps telling me you. Do you don’t fit into somebody? Else’s idea what you’re supposed to be you, do you? And that’s his his goto phrase you, do you be you one of the other and so here? He is giving the advice of Ugo. Be You go, do you and yet? He’s not. And When he finally admitted to me that he’s got six months of income in the bank, he could be without work. For six months? He is in a relationship. He is not the only is. In the household. And he said to me one of his fears is, he has a chronic health condition. He needs the insurance and I asked him well. Have you used the obamacare for lack of a better ACC? Yes, thank you. I asked him. Have you used the benefits in the past? Well, no, okay well, they are available to you. There are a range of different programs you can get on, and of course they they have different prices.
00:20:04 – 00:25:22
You have a spouse or another person. You might be able. That’s a qualifying event short. Get on their their insurance. The difficulty though is that he he has very specific needs that may or may not be covered irrespective of a pre existing condition what he uses. He uses equipment that may not be covered by all insurance. Okay, that’s great that that is a reasonable fear. He also told me that on July third. He’s going to have his next health checkup. Where every all the prescriptions and everything else that he needs will be taken care of and I told him. If you don’t tell me the following Monday that you’ve tended your resignation, I’m going to ask you why because you have all the resources available to you and you have skills that are going to be needed again just within a few months, so you probably won’t go that whole time without work waiting to say and if you can teach music remotely. Yeah, he’s amazing I. Know Him through. E learning authoring and other Internet based work. There isn’t anything he can’t do in things that drive him. So here were overcoming a fear of reasonable fear. But you have the resources set up. It comes back to what you mentioned at the beginning. He established a fortress. Avail yourself of it. Take advantage of that. Well I mean that’s a good point. If you have some sort of extenuating circumstance, your false evidence, appearing real is that you will, you will not have access to any of that stuff. When you leave someplace else, you can go procure it on the open market right, and it just may be a little more expensive right, but it’s not as expensive as Cobra Right which and that’s where his fear was base because when he was when he left teaching Gig. He paid for Cobra with insanely expensive. Anybody who pays for it it well that that doesn’t transition to something else I very soon afterwards I. It was crazy. I did years ago one of my layoffs and I. I let it lapse because I couldn’t afford it. Yeah, well, in spite of the fear, I think one of the more practical things that we can do is think about these things on paper. Look at the pros and cons just lay everything out and and see with the logical. That’s hard for some people, especially if they’re feeling type people to see the logical solution, right or the logical next step with that’s where conversation with other people comes in I. I’m one of those I feel my decisions I if I don’t believe in it, I don’t make that decision if I do make the decision. Even when the logic wasn’t a part of it I I admit that hopefully I have the sense to talk to my logically minded friends, because they’re the ones that come back and say. Did you consider this? What is going to be the outcome of that? And they helped me see the logic so that we had a mini coaching session right before. Before the podcast at seriously, and this is one of the things that networking can do for us now it’s it’s a little different in the zoom world anymore. With the pandemic going on and people are staying socially distant. We’re doing everything on online, but you still have the ability to get. Those other perspectives staten. That can help ground you when you need that especially, if you’re dealing with fear well, if the fear is coming from the outside world like that from pandemic and black lives of whatever you know, all those things are valid right almost. Conversation. Right what we need is more conversation, not less right and we can’t. We can’t use this as an excuse not to reach out and have a conversation with somebody. I’m thinking even right now. Somebody I should probably write their name named L. Because I needed to contact them because they’re not. They’re not in the healthy place, right and what they needed somebody to reach out to them to maybe calm their fears, not not do deal with their fused just calm. Those fears a little. One of the things that you just triggered, my head was the idea of carrying the way to the world on your shoulders. I didn’t mean to trigger you by the way. Don’t don’t turn me into human resources. To wait a minute you. But It’s true many especially those who who have a great deal of empathy we carried away to the world on our shoulders, and were were getting in our own way so again, getting other perspectives, talking to other people about their situations is a really good way to start looking things a little more objectively. Another idea that I ran across before we got together today. Today was the idea of doing things for other people, and it really is about getting out of your own head, and getting into helping others get out of their heads, and it’s really interesting how that can turn your own thinking around just by involving yourself with other people, and and if if this current day and age hasn’t shown US something is that? Maybe we’ve been a little too selfish.
00:25:22 – 00:30:04
A little low empathy, and we should demonstrate to others more compassion, right and help them by getting groceries, or you know if if they need their lawn cut and they can’t physically do it. Go do that for them. So sure There’s lots of things that we all can do, and you can probably think listener right now. There’s there’s people that have basic needs right now that you could fill, but really it’s taking inventory. What is your? What is your head space? Look like today and what consuming most of that space and. Once you acknowledge it and can see it. You can work with it I I think about conversation I had with one of my kids when she was still in middle school. And the idea of there is no truth that I cannot handle. Because if it’s true, I know where to start or at least I know what I need to be working toward in this case. If you’re looking for a job, okay with that. If, you’re clear on what that job needs to be. Keep working towards that. Networking is our primary recommendation that there are other things that we can do when my head space is now filled up with whatever’s happening in the world. Your idea getting it on paper. Maybe that’s typing and onto your computer screen. Whatever works for you getting out of your head onto? Something else can really helped to focus the mind. It also helps you to stop thinking about all the other things that you’re reading on social media or whatever if you’re like me where you you go to social media to connect with your friends, and then you start getting upset because of all the things that posting don’t go to social media, right or connect with that friend in a different way. Come on right is that? Anyway brought me back to something I read a number of years ago. About someone who was saying, call me you send him a text message. They respond with. Call me you leave a voicemail voicemail. They’re not going to leave another voicemail for you. Other than say call me and they are forcing their friends to actually talk and I would recommend that. Don’t text people don’t send emails to people. Talk to people, so if you are overwhelmed if you’re fearful, whatever it is talk to people because it makes a difference in how you process thinking sometimes fear. Is You not wanting to take a risk in there certainly is risk, but there’s also reward is, so we talked earlier about. The reason I bring up is that people are often fearful because they think they’re taking a risk in your mind can play tricks on you. That’s Oh. That’s a risk. But, then you don’t get the reward either. One of the things in coaching practice that we talk about is look at the pros and cons. Everything has a risk doing nothing has risks sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. Because the risk of doing something are greater time not sure that that’s always true right? Look at the pros and cons figure out what your alternatives are. What are the pros and cons? What are the pros and cons for others who are involved in the conversation? And then you have a more logical rational way of looking at what those risks are because if it turns out that change actually provides less risk than staying the same. It’s easier to make the change. That’s a change management tool and change management is something you can keep for the rest of your career. Absolutely everybody should be working on learning right. Learning is a key skill in today’s marketplace, my opinion of course. That’s borne out right. Leadership is a key skill in today’s marketplace, right? And continual learning is the best way to become a leader, but right now you gotta talk through all this philosophies, but we’re just trying to give the listener here a perspective. On only how we’re aligned in our philosophies on a lot of these things, and that part of this process is finding people you trust that share your values so that you have less fear Yup, well that does it for this episode of Job Seekers Radio you can find all the show notes and the resources jobseeker’s radio DOT com forward slash zero eight zero and don’t forget. You can download the free resource anatomy of a networking conversation e-book along with companion audio.
00:30:04 – 00:30:54
Yes, I’ll fill in for his Scott. HEAD OVER TO I. Subscribe to get future episodes of this. We appreciate your time. And if you use I tunes, there’s also a link in the show notes for rate in review. Now appreciate that there’s two parts to that. There’s the rate which is the five star thing and the review is where you actually type something right and send us questions. If if you’ve got something on your mind, and it’s not, we don’t. If you are fearful and you don’t have anybody to reach out to. There is a contact us button on the website now we’re happy to. Please reach out to us if you need any support at all, this is Andrew and I’m Scott and in the words of anonymous. Hey, he’s my favorite philosopher and boy has he been prolific and not of a said do something today that your future self will thank you for. By everybody.