072 Managing Your Expectations When You Are Networking for Jobs

Getting results from your networking starts with understanding what to expect from the activity. Managing your expectations can lead to better results, interviews, and many other positive next steps.

Join Scott and Andrew as they discuss the ins and outs of expectations and how things might go wrong.

Don’t miss these Topics:

  • Establishing expectations based on your situation and audience.
  • What is the difference between delighted and disappointed.
  • The role of mindset, trust and perception.
  • What is reasonable to expect
  • Identifying appropriate outcomes by thinking ahead
  • Questions to ask in order to determine if you are being realistic
  • Accepting feedback and making adjustments
  • What to do when your expectations aren’t mirrored

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Raw and Unedited Transcript

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00:00:01 – 00:05:10

welcome job seekers radio. I’m Andrew and I’m Scott. This production is meant to provide you meaningful support to find great careers faster. The weather you’re working or not. Today’s episode is brought to you by the Anatomy of networking conversation. e-book it’s a free resource to you you can download unload data job seekers radio DOT COM so in today’s show. We want to talk about expectations in job. Search the preface to this. It’s part of a customer service training that I did many years ago and I still use this actually is the idea that the definition between delighting someone or disappointing them is simply defined as the gap between what is expected and what is delivered. We think a lot about those times in our job ob search when that we are disappointed in something whether it’s disappointed in our cells for not performing in a certain way whether it’s disappointed in the person who interviewed viewed us for not asking the kinds of questions that we were expecting not necessarily reacting to our responses. The way we were expecting the the problem is not in the behaviors whether our own or the other person’s it really is about what it was our expectation going in and the second question that is were those expectations realistic. So that’s what we want to talk about in today’s conversation. It’s really US wrestling with this. This idea of expectation frustration. Disappointment the different emotions that you’re gonNA feel either in work or in your career career or in a job search. There’s always hate to say it but there’s always gonna be somebody who doesn’t live up to your expectations. I found this when I first got into real estate and I had a list of all these people that I would call my good friends that said Oh well. I’m sorry. We can’t transact real estate with you. My Funchal is a real tour or my cousin or my fifth wife from a previous marriage or something. You know whatever that lives in this thing but you know when it’s like hang on a second here. I had this expectation because we have trust. You’re gonNA help me or allow me to help you. And you think about that in the the employment situation how many of us have gotten into working at a job where we thought we were coming into one kind of environment and it turned out it was very different. It’s it’s important to recognize if someone has told me that we behave in a certain way here and in fact we don’t that’s not on me what I do with the new. The information is on me and I can set some expectations based on reality rather than what. I was hoping for being told that those are the things I should could be hoping for. There’s there’s responsibility on the other side of that. What I do with the information is ultimately completely within my control? So that’s what we want to promote here is to create some reasonable expectations and not have them set so high that people are naturally going to come in underneath that. They’re going to let let us down in some fashion. If someone tells me that we have a culture at this organization that is employee center. Can It’s all about the employee experience. I think that’s going to he great but knowing human nature my expectation is going to be a lot lower not so much to tell them how they are having problems with living their expectations. -tations as much as it is. Where do I really fit because that is going to set me up for success? Today’s conversation really is going to be narrowed focused on networking working what we mean by expectations as relates to networking with people. which is something? We really advocate as an effective search method and all of the research supports. What’s that at least the ones that I’ve read and really we’re talking here about? What is the expectation and really wanting to get from my networking and is that accurate? And there’s many different components in networking that we can talk about. The first one is the outcome. What is the appropriate outcome that we can expect from networking if we think about the Outcome that also is going to alleviate some of the fear that we have going into networking conversations whether that’s an interview and Informational interview or just a basic doc. Never came conversation if we can look at. What are the outcomes we want? We have something to focus on. We’re going to be less afraid of having the conversation if we know what we want out of. And you might have more than one expectation that actually offers you an opportunity to get some of your expectations met which will lower your fear and your apprehension regression and actually have walking away from networking a little more positive on what it means. We often come into these networking conversations with an expectation that the other people involved are also as open to it as we are and sometimes that doesn’t happen. What do we do with that first of all the question that I ask I is is where my expectations appropriate were the outcomes that I had hoped for realistic in that situation? It may be a situation that I wouldn’t know ahead of time.

00:05:10 – 00:10:05

Fine I can learn from it. Okay so I went to this networking group and I’m just using this. As an example it was an association of people that do the kind of work that I do I went to the networking opportunities. Pretended that they offered and I did not get out of it what I was hoping for. Why not what was it that was a barrier was coming in with unreal- unrealistic expectations? Order did I maybe make a misstep as I started whatever that is. I’m not going to judge it. I’m just going to try to figure it out. Do The post mortem if you will. Because that’s what you control troll. You don’t control of that group or the other people or their reality or even their perception of reality what I control is me and if I can look inward hurt and say okay. I’m going to take responsibility. That may be part of the reason. I didn’t get my expectations. Met is because it was some way I was looking at it case in point I just had a a inexperience recently. Talking with a fairly high level professional she is Vp within her organization. And I was helping to build a relationship relationship with her Not Personal all professional but the idea was I want to a network further into her part of her organization and so I was having this conversation and she had promised to get back to me a week later and she didn’t. It was a week after that that she finally did and she gave me some critical feedback that did not feel feel-good she first of all expressed how highly she thought of me in the ways that we had worked together in the past and wanted to maintain that relationship so as she setting setting this up. I’m realizing there’s something negative coming and eventually. She told me that I basically over shared some information with her that she didn’t think was appropriate for that conversation and she wanted me to know not because she thought it was a bad person it quite the contrary she wanted me to know what had put her off so I had to you set aside the embarrassment that came from Matt and set aside myself judgment enough to recognize that she meant. Well she actually cared enough off to give me that feedback. Even though it did not feel good. The other thing that happened was afterwards after. I’m processing doing that. Post mortem were my expectations. -tations realistic did I do the right thing. And when I came up with was no I didn’t do the right thing with her but that wasn’t because of her. That was just because I misjudged the information she was looking for. I didn’t validate it before I gave it to her. I have now had a learning experience from this I. I won’t be as free to talk with her because not going to make the same assumptions about her. That I did before and I made this assumptions based on a mutual friend. Someone who had sent me up for the conversation in the first place and I based the expectation on what kind of conversation I would have had with my friend not with the networking contact. Here’s an opportunity ready for us to think ahead about. What is the appropriate expectation for this specific opportunity and being an open person as I am? I share freely really. How do I dial that back to stay within the confines of their expectations and that would have led me some questions? About how candidate can I be. How great is it though to have that learning experience have somebody actually share it with you? Many people would just look at that. and not say any writing. And you Rollin doing the same thing and you what you’re wondering why. Hey why. It’s a really the thing that we’re talking about here is. Are you okay with that. Are you okay with not having your expectations is met. Because some people can’t cope with that kind of feedback or the silence. One of those who are going to drive them absolutely crazy. True true it takes practice practice. Don’t get me wrong. It did not feel good. My initial reaction was one of being put off but I had to accept the fact once once I realized no. She’s really trying to give me feedback because it will help me. I had to set aside those feelings of remorse or embarrassment or whatever in order to get the lesson out of it. That is a skill that is practiced. I don’t know anyone who does that. Naturally I was coaching client recently. Where they went into a an interaction she had a set of beliefs about what networking should be and they weren’t mirrored by the person she was meeting with because I had set her up for such success with these best practices that she was disappointed? That this other person didn’t get it and that’s where you know. Make sure that you understand what your the definition of networking might be is different than what the other person might think that it is and if you have enough time to ask these kinds of questions you can actually ask the other. A person with their expectations are especially. If you’re the one requesting never can conversation with someone and so you meet and they say so. What do you want out of this conversation section? It is totally okay to turn that question back around after you answer of course then you ask them.

00:10:05 – 00:15:03

What are you looking to get out of this conversation? This also sets you up for that mutual benefit situation that we were talking about in a prior. podcast if you have that mindset of mutual benefit by asking them what do you want out of this networking conversation conversation. You’re now going to establish what those differences are so that the expectations are now shared. What we’re learning here is that learning might be one one of the expectations? You should have love it from networking not only learn from that person but to learn about yourself the loop land how to be better at this craft. The other part of that is the other person may have the right intentions but they may not be as skilled as you are at executing them so we also have to be patient in the process for the the other person even if they’re in a position where you’d think that they should know this not everybody does reciprocate is often one of the expectations. That people are looking for that. Hey if if I give you something. I’m expecting something back right. A give and take and sometimes that isn’t mirrored and if your expectation is you’re going to get something out of it and it doesn’t doesn’t happen if I come into our cain conversation with the idea that I am going to give not necessarily I’m going to receive. I’m going to give that’s going to be my effort right here than I am not disappointed if I don’t receive something not. Everyone has the same ability to reciprocate. Dave probably will try what they will do who is mirror to some degree as you’re reading. What is happening in the moment if you’re good at that if you’re not this is something you’ll want to practice in your networking conversations number sessions? If you’re seeing what they’re mirroring you can actually lean into that to gain greater trust and then maybe find that mutual benefit along the way really really the best way for me to get to that reciprocation. Moment is to make sure that I’m talking about us. We are looking at this conversation together. If I’m talking only about me what I expect what I want from you. Or what can I do for you. It changes when we shift the conversation to. What can we do together now? We find out what those mutual expectations are in a different way. It’s important to remember also that this is not zero sum game. meaning that it’s not every conversation is going to go as you planned. Not every person is gonNA reciprocate. Not every person is going to be free to give you information. Part of this process versus of networking is establishing a pool of people. That can actually offer you something and you can reciprocate in so. There’s a symbiotic relationship if you will when we think about what we hope to get out of something. If we don’t get it there is still something that we can learn. I’ve never been in a situation relation where there was nothing to gain from having had the conversation. Sometimes it’s only the idea that I know that this is a path that is not going to bear fruit in in the short term and I might want to put off my next conversation with that person. That doesn’t happen often. That’s the worst case scenario. Never unless they are truly the type of person who is very difficult and I don’t want to get to know them any further Usually it’s okay. This isn’t going to be where I put my time in energy and today but maybe in a couple of months I can circle back and see if there isn’t some fertile ground there somewhere instead offering up my time to network with other people people when you go in with the expectation of giving as opposed to getting. You’re much more likely to then get what you’re expecting. And so this has been a positive experience experience for you and for them and can lead to another conversation brings me full circle back to real estate. I had a group of people that I thought were my good friends of trust and I expected them to do business with me. All that meant for me was they wanted to be friends. Yes they just didn’t want to do business with me. An and yes. That was hard feedback back to get but what that meant for me in my business is I wasn’t going to invest time marketing selling interacting with them as a potential client in order to get business. They actually did me a favor because now you can spend the time and energy to make them into better friends or I can go spend my business time with clients. It’ll actually do the business with right so I would have said and spend the time because the thing is that’s a really important distinction to make my social time is going to be different from my professional time. If I’m investing my social time into building those friendships I never know what kind of professional leads may come from that later. But I’m going to put the effort in where it belongs if instead I keep keep pushing these potential friends to bring business. I’m actually not doing anybody any favors. They’ve already given me the feedback. I needed to address them in away. That’s actually meaningful to them. Free me up to do the other efforts with people who are actually going to bring the business so when we think about the networking conversations. It’s the same anwr. We’re always adding people taking people away.

00:15:03 – 00:19:35

You know maybe not taking away but involving them allowing them to go. That’s fine. It’s all about timing sometimes times. The timing isn’t right or there’s life change. There’s a lot of variables when you’re talking about human beings. Yes just normal just the other day I was talking about well. Actually I think it was this morning. I was talking to some people about the idea of seeing on social media comments by friends that I really spend a lot of time and energy trying to build. Those is relationships had never got anything. We’re talking over a period of years because I tend to be persistent and I just never get the effort back and what what changed in the moment was moving from being disappointed to realizing that I am surrounded albeit by a small circle but surrounded by family and friends who actually really do care who do reciprocate who do make the effort why to your point. I continue to make efforts where they don’t pay off. It’s easier to let those go. Oh and to be in the place where they belong in terms of my relationships and instead as I think about my networking what am I doing. That actually brings me Good feelings what is it. What groups do I go to? What meetings do I attend? What conversations do I have that? Bring me more of those. That’s where where I want to focus my time and energy so instead of worrying about the things that don’t work to your point letting them subtract themselves. I’m going to build up those conversations that actually work and now I feel good about networking. My expectations have been reset. I’ve got a more realistic idea. Yeah of how I can move forward. I feel better about doing so. Suddenly I’m in that virtuous circle that helps me move forward many times. It’s conversations nations leading to more conversations or conversations leading to application resume higher or assess or conversations lead nowhere. There’s there’s always an outcome to every conversation and it just may not be what you think it is. The key is keep having the conversations right keep interacting with people. It will happen now we get to an idea of well. I’m an introvert or I prefer to connect very slowly with people. That’s just is my style totally appreciate that. You’re going to be working at a different pace at no point. Am I going to suggest that you need to do this. At the pace that I do because I can act very quickly with people and I may not be totally extroverted but I am certainly more extroverted than a lot of people. I know in spite of the fact that I still need that downtime time. I’m more comfortable doing that. Don’t judge your pace against mine. Take the pace that makes sense for you and create realistic expectations associated with head. That way. You’re not disappointed either. And if you need to move or feel the need to move at a pace that is faster than you would prefer or to have these conversations conversations. When you’re really not a conversationalist by nature? Maybe you employ the help of somebody else to help facilitate the conversation. You go as a pair to a networking group meeting. Hang or whatever this looks like so that you have support so you don’t have to be the only one having the conversation find ways to make it work for you set. Those outcomes those expectations based on realistic efforts. Thank you for joining us for this episode of Job Seekers Radio Your investment of time and attention is greatly appreciated head on over did I tuned subscribed to get future episodes. While you’re there please. Provide us a rate and review. That really is GonNa push this labor of love for both of us up into the ranks so that more people can see it. We also appreciate when you ask questions whether it’s about this episode or the others are maybe some something you’re dealing with in in your job search. We love answering these questions. We do specific podcasts. Four questions and answers. We’d love to include your questions in that at the moment what we do want you to go to job seekers radio DOT com forward slash zero seven. Two you’ll get the show notes. But also that’s where you’re gonNA find. The anatomy let me of networking conversation e book. And scroll down to the bottom of that same page. Leave a comment or a question there. Every page on our podcast has space for you to provide comments comments and feedback right. We really want to hear from you. Well I’m Andrew and I’m Scott and in the words of Michael Jordan if you accept the expectations of others especially Salihi negative ones then you will never change the outcome also. Thanks everybody bye bye.

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