037 Networking When You Are Feeling Desperate

Being in a position of desperation can be difficult. Having ways to cope with and manage it effectively is the topic of this episode.

Join Scott and Andrew as they discuss real world tactics to deal with desperation.

Don’t miss these Topics:

  • Where desperation comes from
  • Benefits of a Gap Job
  • Taking Stock of Your Fears
  • Where are you really and how bad is it?
  • Ideas around making progress when there might be little hope
  • Positioning your skills and strengths enthusiastically

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4-Part Series on the Anatomy of a Networking Conversation

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Raw and Unedited Transcript

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00:00:00 – 00:05:01

Welcome to job seekers radio. I’m Andrew, and I’m Scott this production is meant to provide you meaningful support to find great careers faster. Whether you’re working or not today on job seekers radio were talking about how to network when you’re desperate. I have quite a bit of experience this having been laid off. We’ve oh six times. Yeah. You got five or six I got four. Yeah. It’s been interesting. How that comes up and admittedly some periods of unemployment have been quite short. But others have lasted a lot longer than I was comfortable doing and desperation the time that I was unemployed for a period of years. Yeah. I was desperate that the topic is important to me because I know others go through this. It is a tough time being unemployed is probably one of the hardest things, especially if you’re employed. For a long period. It’s going to be one of the hardest things you will ever encounter. I would put it up there with divorce because I can talk about that too about bankruptcy. There are a whole bunch of life experiences that are really really negative and being unemployed for a long period of time is going to rank pretty high on the list. I can tell you. I hate it. I absolutely all do hated it. And I think the emotions that go through and the the pariah and the the Monica of unemployed, and oh, you’re out of work. You know, all those conversations are still fresh in my mind. Yes, there’s a lot of judgment vault and most of the time and something will touch on by the end of this conversation is that most of that judgment is internal. It’s how we feel about ourselves. Whether it’s at this age, I should be unemployed. I should be preparing for retirement, whatever that is the. The that judgment is often worst internally, and it’s not actually coming from other people. If you’re in a position where you really really I mean really need a job we suggest go get a job it jump. And and that sounds rather flippant. But the idea is there are people out there hiring right now, I have driven by a number of places the metropolitan transit authority here in Portland called Tri met. They most of their buses have tremendous hiring. I’ve seen a postings out front of Home Depot recently that they are hiring. There are jobs out there, and it’s not necessarily going to be a career. It’s not necessarily going to be something you’re going to be passionate about and loving it, and they treat you exactly the way you’ve always wanted to be it may not be like that. But there are advantages. I’d say steppingstone. Yes, it really is just a stepping stone to something better. And they know that this is going to be stepping stone. That’s why they pay what they pay. And that’s why they’re jobs are open is because their high turnover all those things are true. Right. But for you the benefit is that my mind now is released from that fear that anxiety that worry how going to earn a living where my mom, where’s my next paycheck gonna come from? And it may be a situation where the job you have to take doesn’t pay enough. And we understand that too. And you may need to take a second job, and none of that necessarily feels good. But I’m going to suggest that unemployment takes a bigger head on your self esteem than taking that that gap job that gap job may not be able to provide everything that you’re real job, whatever that might be would would provide for. But but it is your not going to take. The same kind of hit on your self esteem, and that will have much longer effects than taking that temporary position. Yes. We mean any job that means the first one that comes along should probably just take it. And it’s an income source. Whatever it takes to get that job. We suggest you go take. Now, you can certainly use a lot of the techniques we’ve talked about to find these kind of jobs and appearing in an employer’s place of business ready to work is probably the most direct way to get there. Right. And and the research on these gap jobs is pretty easy to do you want to walk into any of these organizations knowing who they are what they do why they do it. And what makes a good fit within their organization because you’re far more likely to land a gap job with some knowledge of the organization. So it at least appears if not being reality that you’re busy ask about it on.

00:05:01 – 00:10:08

Some level. It’s okay to be desperate. It is. I think you need to really say. Yes, I’m desperate. I wouldn’t shout it to the world. And, but it’s something you should mitt at least to yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that people have been there you’ve been there, Scott. I know I’ve been there. I added period of time where I was like, oh my gosh. I was unemployed and I had a family. I just bought a house and the company has working for laid me off. And so I was unemployed and I was staring at Christmas literally. Because this was in November. So imagine it’s November. I just bought a house. Ready to get married have kids and all that. And I didn’t have job. Yeah. That’s tough. But before we started recording you made a point to to really take stock in really how bad is it? Because often, it’s our fear. That’s telling us that. It’s as Baz as it might be. When in fact, the the reality may not be quite as dire. It may be important, but take stock of where you are. And I I like that from a sense of being mindful mindfulness is really a state of being as opposed to just getting your information together. So if you’re taking that approach to this moment of desperation, you can also start to think about how do I sound how desperate do I sound when I’m talking to other people, and as we start to get into the networking aspect of this how we sound does play part. So there are things that we want to sort of help. Plant some seeds on to to see if we can’t get a different sound while we’re feeling desperate. So think about this for a second. What Scott really, and I are really saying is yes, you can be desperate, and yes, you can admit that to yourself, but you don’t have to sound desperate. Right. And so this is something that you can actually practice that you can rehearse that you can build confidence. Again in presenting yourself as a solution to somebody’s problem. And I think networking is better. When number one if you’re desperate in really desperate that you take job. Then you relieve some of that desperation. Right. You build a little bit of confidence you demonstrate to people that you’re actually working if choose to share that with somebody you don’t have to well. But again, I think being able to tell somebody, hey, I’m working, but I’m looking for something else that also is something they can relate to but the advantage of admitting. Yes, I work at you know, the gross. Restore and it’s a gap job. But that’s where I’m working right now. And I I’m doing well there, and I’m looking for information or advice about this other idea that I’ve got whether it’s to get back into my real career or maybe something new and you’ve taken the pressure off the other person. So it it is an advantage to you. Either way the first step in talking to people about your desperation is to find those individuals where whether it’s somebody in your family, spouse, sibling, whatever when your parents, you need an outlet you may be the type where you processed by talking things through. So you definitely need someone that you can confide in who is not going to sugarcoat anything. They’ll be able to help you to accept what the situation is to hold up the mirror to say. Well, this is how your coming across all that stuff. If you’re the type to keep it in you still. Need an outlet? It’s just that conversation is going to look different. But the idea that of keeping it all inside and putting out a show it’s gonna wear you out. It takes Dodd of energy to do that. So find an outlet some place or person or way to release the frustrations the exciting and everything that comes with that disparition. You gotta have an outlet. You may be fooling others. But you really only fooling yourself. If you do that. Now, if you keep it all bottled in and you don’t let it out, and so having trusted advisors or people that, you know, our job seekers groups, we run one and believe me everything there is an open book. There’s nothing that none of us. Haven’t also been through that other people haven’t experienced too. So you’re not alone. First of all, right, right. There’s plenty of people out there that you can confide in. Yeah. They were gonna know where you’re coming from. Right. And when somebody says, you can’t be desperate. Guess what? I am right. That’s not really the advice that’s going to help you. But I love what you’re saying. Get to those groups where people share your sense of Nana -sarily desperation, but of the importance of of making progress the chances of finding finding the nuggets that are going to help you get to your next step are greater when you have that that support group behind you.

00:10:08 – 00:15:11

And in this process what you’re going to identify. I think is your identity in the challenge we have when we’re desperate is. We think that’s our identity. It might be what we’re feeling, but it isn’t truly our identity. Our density lies in our skills, our strengths, and yes, we may be unemployed. But that doesn’t mean somebody didn’t pay us our skills and strengths before. Which means if they did they’ll pay us for it again. And if you are the type where you are driven by your passions of for a specific kind of work, whatever that might look like your your dream. Job that also just because you’re not getting paid to do that. If you have the ability to do volunteer work, even if it’s not every day or every week, but it’s regular. So that people see you involved in the community that also is going to play a very important part in how you talk about your job. Search it’s going to make a difference in how you sound know that you can identify yourself with other people in your network and situations as a solution to a problem rather than the internal feelings that you have right, and so focused more on the communication and the asking of questions and will actually give you a free resource to help you with this. It’s called the anatomy of networking conversation. That hopes keep you focused on the framework rather than the feelings that you’re you’re having of we’ve set up before you’ll you’ll see it in the notes the discussion on having something some project to work on. So that as you especi-. Actually in this moment, if you’re feeling desperate and savvy says, so what do you do? It’s a question. Not only do we usually here, but often we ask right? So what do you do because it gives us a context of that person’s world at least some insight into it? When you don’t do something. You don’t have that job that you can talk about it whenever you’re project is or whatever you’re passionate about if that’s what you can talk about. And you’re asking them for information on it. You’re keeping yourself out of that sense of desperation it may be running in the background. But that’s where it needs to be in the background talk about the things that get you charged up. Well, and people are likely more understanding than you think. And what I mean by that is there’s a lot of people out there that have been through the same process you’ve been through the average tenure today in its decreasing on the job market with the company is forty six months. So the odds that somebody run into a networking situation has been in your situation. Is actually fairly high. So don’t think that you’re the only one here not alone going into these networking situations. You may run into people. Yes. That don’t have time. But that’s not because you’re unemployed. Okay. Is because they’re busy, and they don’t see the value in what you’re asking for. So if we change those two things the value, and what we’re asking for they might be open to a converse. Something else. You just brought to my mind is the idea that those who have been through these moments of desperation are usually quick to share that. So that they’re making that connection with you pretty much out of the gates. The chances are much better that those who do that are the ones that you can open the door a little more to talk about that sense of desperation because they may have some ideas that actually help you get out of it, but tread carefully there at I don’t assume that just because somebody says that they’ve been through something similar that. Now, you can unload on them because over sharing his still. Issue. The main reason that we’re sharing this with you is to overcome your disbelief and your resistance to networking because you’re unemployed, and so were giving you all these reasons all of this positive affirmation. Right. So that you can get out there and actually meet with people. So before you go to these in into a meeting where you’re going to be talking to somebody. There are some things that are out there, and I don’t have references off the top of my head. But I a simple Google search would probably bring up quite a bit. But the idea of different things that you can do to seem more confident or to feel better before you go into this one of them that I remember was you take two minutes to take very strong physical stance. Your feet or apart? You’re standing up tall. Your hands are on your your hips. And you’re you’re looking very strong, and you hold that position preferably in front of a mayor for two minutes. I’ve actually had people tell me I can think of to off the top of my head. That they did it and it works. So there are different things that we can do to prepare selves for these these conversations. Another one is talking about spin how we spin our experience. So that it sounds Luzia static rather than desperate. We’re not talking about manipulation here. But there’s always something that you can talk about enthusiastically, and if you can tie that to the position, you’re you’re in where you know, you’re interviewing for that gap job.

00:15:12 – 00:20:04

These are the kinds of things that I really get passionate about. So for me if I were to take a stock position where I’m interacting with customers at home improvement. One of the things that I can talk about is that I really enjoy connecting with people and helping them find solutions to their issues in the moment. I can totally do that at the home improvement center. Is that really the job? I want to do for the rest of my life. Maybe not. But it might be something. I do in my retirement I ever get there. There. The guy who sold me at my new front door is exactly that he retired from an engineering position. Now, he’s working in that department at the the home store and bully for him. Is you can find those EM in spite of it being starting in in desperation. That’s right in. So think about all the things that you’re feeling put those out on paper and just let them be. I think sometimes we try to bodily sings in. But getting them outside of yourself and onto paper or into some other container allows you then to open up yourself to do some of the things got nice talking about. In fact, I’ve seen that along the lines of what you said about standing up. You know, kinda like the superman, bows, right? Some of the treatments there now experimenting with for depression is having people stand in front of a mirror just physically smiling. Yeah. Forcing smile fry shoe minutes actually, improved their outlook. I remember hearing somebody talking about this where I felt this is just so lame, and it’s how can this possibly work? And then when they stuck with. It. They started making fun of the process, and this is just so stupid here. And what they found in retrospect was they were laughing they were able to find humor in the moment that skill in. And of itself is going to help you deal with desperation. Yeah. It can’t get any worse. Yeah. But we won’t go there. That’s something. You can reflect on FM, and I can laugh at it now. But at the time, I know when I’m taking two and three jobs trying to make ends meet and small babies at home, and we’re doing daycare in the house. I mean, all these things we did. Yes. To get through that period. But I can look back now say it couldn’t get any worse than that. Yeah. Then. Yeah. But it could well our laugh about exactly, and that’s the point we everything in life has temporary the good things don’t last. But neither do the bad. Try to keep yourself moving emotionally in that direction. It is tough. We get it we’ve been there. But remember, you are not alone. We can commiserate when that’s important, and we can help push when that’s imortant. There are people in your lives that can serve both of those functions. Take advice. Integer of their presence. Get them involved have them be the listening ear and have them push you when you need it. And if they missed the timing just let them know, they’ll be okay. But they are not judging you as hard as your judging you here’s what we’d like you to do. Now is that if you go to job seekers radio dot com forward slash zero three seven that’s where you’ll find the show notes on that Pacers actually spot to leave a comment, and we would just like to hear from you. If you’re going through something, and you need support, and you just need an outlet to share go ahead and share it on that site. I would be perfectly happy just to have that as a place that safe for you to go and share what your going? That’s great. Yeah. And if you have ideas on things that you have done when you’ve been in that situation, or if you’re in there now, and you’re finding things that are working right that too because that way we can pass that along to others with some new ideas on how to how to beat. This this sense of desperation because we’re a community. Yeah. We’re a community. We’re here to support you. But we’re also here to support each other. Right. And as we see people downloading these podcasts and and getting involved in this community. We were seeing the numbers grow. You are not the only ones dealing with this. So avail yourselves of that support group we want to participate with you and as promised on that same page, you will find a free resource, it’s called the anatomy of networking conversation. The I think it’s four episodes that we put together. So that’s it’s a four chapter e book that walks through all of the components the framework. So that you can make sure that when you are desperate that you have a framework to rely on that this going to bring you positive results.

00:20:04 – 00:20:31

Right. Feel free to reach out to us. There’s also I tunes we’d love for you to go to items give a rate and review of this podcast. And you’ll find the ability. To download others as well. So help us get involved in helping you and you can help others by providing your feedback as well. This is Andrew, and I’m Scott until next time it may be bad now, but it will get better take care, buddy.

Anatomy of a Networking Conversation

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